9 Things Happy, Successful People Choose to Ignore

1.  Other people’s judgments.

It’s OK to listen to others, but not at the full expense of your own intuition.  Throughout your life there will be many times when the world gets real quiet and the only thing left is the beat of your own heart.  So you’d better learn the sound of it, otherwise you’ll never understand what it’s telling you.

When you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else’s perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you eventually forget who you truly are.  So don’t fear the judgments of others; you know in your heart who you are and what’s true to you.  You don’t have to be someone else to impress and inspire people.  Let them be impressed and inspired by the real YOU.  Honestly, what does life matter if you lose yourself along the way?  Even your mentors should teach you HOW to think, not WHAT to think.  So if someone – anyone – is belittling your truth, it might be time to turn the other way.

2.  Old troubles from the past.

You can’t change what has already happened, so choose to look ahead instead of behind you.  Don’t stress.  Do your best.  Forget the rest.  Your past mistakes are meant to guide you, not define you.  Life is a beautiful circle.  You’re strong because you know your weaknesses.  You’re wise because you’ve been foolish.  You can laugh now because you’ve known sadness.

It’s crazy how you always end up where you’re meant to be – how even the most tragic and stressful situations eventually teach you important lessons that you never dreamed you were going to learn.  Remember, oftentimes when things are falling apart, they are actually falling into place.  Just because you’re not where you want to be today doesn’t mean you won’t be there someday.  Everything is going to be come together – maybe not today, but eventually.  (Angel and I cover this in more detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

3.  Each day’s little frustrations.

A bad day is just a bad day.  It comes and it goes.  Choose not to make it anything more.  You will find that it’s necessary to let some things go simply for the reason that they’re heavy on your heart and soul.  Go ahead and let go of them.  Don’t clamp shackles to your own ankles.  It’s incredibly easy to enjoy more of your life right now, no matter what the situation.  It’s just a matter of dropping of the layers of nonsense that are weighing you down.

Behind every beautiful day, there has been some kind of struggle.  You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you live, you learn.  You’re human, not perfect.  You’ve been hurt, but you’re alive.  Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive today – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, and to chase the things you love.  Sometimes there is sadness in your journey, but there is also lots of beauty.  You must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when it hurts, for you will never know what is waiting for you just around the bend.

Follow this daily to-do list and you’ll be just fine:

Think positively.

Eat healthy.

Exercise today.

Worry less.

Work hard.

Laugh often.

Sleep well.

Repeat…

4.  The necessary pain of hard work and growth.

There are two types of pain in life: pain that hurts you, and pain that changes you.  But when you learn from it, they are one and the same.  If you want something, you must endure the pain of working for it.  It’s that simple.  If you’re not where you want to be right now, take the time to visualize yourself in the place you want to be and take the first step in that direction.  You may not be able to change your destination in a day, but you can change your direction right now.

Remember, strength doesn’t come from what you can do.  It comes from overcoming the things you couldn’t.  Tough situations build strong, successful people.  No matter how much it hurts now, you have to hold your head up, grit your teeth, and keep going.  In the end, consistent action speaks for itself.  So focus diligently, work hard in silence, and let your success be your noise.

5.  Insignificant busywork.

In the beginning, you need to say “yes” to a lot of things to discover and establish your goals.  Later on, you need to say “no” to a lot of things and concentrate on your goals.  Stop over-committing and trying to do too much at once.  Start saying “no” more often.  If you never say “no,” you will take on too much and all you will achieve is stress and frustration.

As Bruce Lee once said, “It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease.  Hack away at the inessentials.”  Many of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.  Don’t be one of them.  It’s not what we claim are our priorities, but how we spend our time each day that reveals the truth.  Let your daily actions reflect your highest priorities.  (Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)

6.  Impatient thoughts.

Patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in.  It’s the willingness to stay focused, confidently staking one small step at a time, knowing that the way you move a mountain is by moving one stone at a time.  Every stone you move, no matter how small, is progress.

Whether you are working on improving your health, learning a new skill, or getting a business venture off the ground, you can’t expect instant gratification.  Instead, you must dedicate yourself to the best of your ability and understand that real change takes time.  Sometimes it may be hard to see your progress.  Sometimes it will be frustrating when the results you seek don’t appear as quickly as you had hoped.  Still, you are advancing.  Hang in there.  You may be moving things along slowly, but you are still moving a mountain.

7.  The things that can’t be controlled.

Never force anything.  Do your best, then let it be.  If it’s meant to be, it will be.  Don’t hold yourself down with things you can’t control.  Stop talking about the problem and start thinking about the solution.  Forget what could go wrong for a sec and think of what is already right.

Remember, change happens for a reason.  Roll with it.  It won’t be ideal or easy at first, but it will be worth it in the end.  When times are good and everything is comfortably in order, it’s easy to become complacent and forget how skillful and resourceful you are capable of being.  Unanticipated troubles are necessary evils that push you forward, because they eventually end, but the lessons and growth you gain from them last a lifetime.

8.  Unfounded fears.

Life is about overcoming fear and taking risks.  If you don’t take risks, you won’t know what you’re capable of.  If you don’t risk anything, you risk everything.  Truth be told, nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.  Now is the time to expand your comfort zone so you can experience things and understand more… so that you may fear less in the long run.

The reality, of course, is we all get afraid sometimes.  It’s not about not being afraid, but what you do when you feel that way.  When you feel doubt, or fear, or anxiety, or frustration, know that you can let it go just as surely as you can pull your hand away from a flame.  Keep your mind focused on the goodness, on the possibilities and on your most treasured goals.  What begins in your mind ends up in your life.  Think continually of the way you would like to be, let these thoughts drive your actions, and your reality will reliably catch up with your thinking.  (Read Daring Greatly.)

9.  The mind’s endless stream of doubts.

Believe in yourself through tough times.  Believe in your capacity to succeed.  Believe that your relationships are worth the effort.  Believe that people make mistakes on their way to greatness.  Believe that people can be foolish and intelligent, selfish and generous, and stressed and happy all at once.  Believe that very few people hurt others on purpose.  Believe that there are many roads to what’s right.  Believe in your intuition, especially when you have to choose between two good paths.  Believe that the answers are out there waiting.  Believe that life will surprise you again and again.  Believe that the journey is the destination.  Believe that it’s all worth your while.

Or as Roald Dahl once said, “And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.  Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”

30 Financial Tips That Women Should Know By Age 30

When we're young, we often think about 30 as the age when we need to have it all figured out. However, when that birthday is approaching, it can seem like we're not nearly as far into adulthood as we might hope. We may think that there are certain pieces of knowledge we ought to have at this point in our lives. If you're approaching this age, or want to start preparing early, here is a list of things that you should know. If you're past 30, it's never too later, find out what you need to catch up on.

30 Pieces of Financial Knowledge That Women Should Know By 30

• A woman can make it on her own financially, even if she doesn't have to.
• You need to keep your finger on your finances, even if you have a significant other who handles them.
• How you can deal with a personal financial crisis, like suddenly losing your job.
• How to make a budget and how to stick to it.
• How to set up an emergency fund and how to keep it full.
• How to read a bank statement and how to complain when something on it is wrong.
• How long it will take you to pay down any credit cards you have paying only the minimum balance.
• How debt collection and bankruptcy work, even if you're in a good financial place.
• How to get your taxes done every year without going crazy.
• How to establish credit in your own name, even if you also share credit cards with a spouse.
• How much risk you're prepared to tolerate in terms of investments.
• That you're going to need money for retirement at some point and you'll need strategies to save for it.
• How you're going to make up for any time you spend out of the work force, at least in terms of retirement.
• How much having a family costs, even if kids aren't in the cards.
• What legal protections are out there specifically for women, like whether your state has laws guaranteeing you maternity leave.
• How to negotiate a raise, even if it feels like you shouldn't ask for more money.
• How to leave a job you hate, preferably with another one lined up.
• How to get a copy of your credit report and how to dispute incorrect information on it.
• What cosigning a loan means - and when to refuse to do it.
• How to recognize the signs of identity theft and how to address them.
• What the pros and cons of owning a house versus renting an apartment.
• What your parents' retirement plans are and whether you're going to need to help them.
• Who is responsible for you and your finances if something makes you incapable of taking care of yourself.
• How to reach a lawyer, an accountant and an insurance agent, even if you don't routinely need their help.
• How to negotiate a big purchase (like a car or a house), even when the other side underestimates you.
• How to sell something you don't need any longer.
• What it would take for you to start your own business, even if you're not ready to make the leap.
• What your options for health insurance are and how to make the most of them, even when they're bad.
• Where to get financial information and advice that you trust.
• What your financial priorities are and what's the next step you need to take to reach them.

The Bottom Line

There aren't always classes you can take for learning these things. You may need to go figure out how to learn some of these things yourself, because they make a world of difference in how you can get from the ramen-every-night college era to something much better. Each of us will make very different financial decisions over the course of our lives, but having this knowledge will make those decisions much easier.

Source: Investopedia

5 Ways To Get Lucky

Look for the silver lining

It is inevitable that some people seem to get more luck than others, but should we just wait to see if luck strikes for us or take matters into our own hands? We can help ourselves a lot by looking for the silver lining in a negative situation. If you focus on the negatives you are only going to cloud your judgement on the solution, so adopt a more positive outlook on the situations in your life and you will feel better about how to handle them and begin to assume a lucky mentality. Change your thoughts and luck will follow.

Be on the lookout for new opportunities

Very rarely do opportunities for luck present themselves; when they do it’s fantastic, but the chances are this is not going to occur. Nine out of 10 times things happen because we make them happen, so why not take some calculated risks to increase your opportunities. Take smaller risks at first and if they pay off you can increase them.  You should always be on the lookout for new prospects, whether it is in the workplace or in your social life. Keep your eyes and ears open as you never know what’s just around the corner and you don’t want to miss out!

Cut loose your anxieties

Individual hang ups can hold us back from doing everyday tasks in our lives. Adopt the mantra: ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’  Don’t let your anxiety get the better of you; your mind is very powerful and anxiety is just a learnt behaviour. Sometimes putting yourself in a stressful situation is OK and to explore new paths in life is essential. Sitting back is all well and good if you’re willing to watch the world go by, but the more open you are to new opportunities the more you’ll increase your chances of luck, so let go of that anxiety and go for it!

Trust your instincts

People who make quick decisions can be led by their intuition. Your gut instinct is more than likely correct; how many times have you been stuck in a situation where you knew things weren’t right from the off, but still carried on and things have turned sour? Listening to yourself can really help you make the right decisions.  So how can you become more intuitive? Take some time for yourself, relax in the bath or go for a walk and clear your head.  Spending time with yourself will help you understand your thoughts clearly; that way when the next decision has to be made you will know exactly what you think and you can manage the situation with a clear decisive answer.

Learn how to deal with bad luck

The way we deal with bad luck can be detrimental to how we view our lives. A pessimistic person can always see the bad in everything, and to dwell constantly on the bad will inevitably get you down in the dumps.  Try to put a positive spin on all the bad situations you find yourself in; focusing what could have made that situation worse will give you that pick up to see you through the rough patch. It isn’t possible to always be happy and positive about everything or everyone in your life, but making a concerted effort to have a happier and brighter outlook on life will make you appreciate the luck you already had in your life that you didn’t notice.

Source: RealBuzz

7 Ways To Spring Clean Your Life

Clean up your relationships

Many of us cling on to friendships and relationships well past their use-by date, believing that quantity is more important than quality when it comes to the people in our lives. However, if you are holding on to relationships that no longer make you feel good, it may be time to let them go. If you think you may just be going through a rough patch then it is worth talking things through with your partner or friend; however, if they have been bringing you down for a while and there’s no resolution in sight, it may be time to focus on those people who make you happy instead.

Dust off your talents

From ballet classes to music lessons, children are always rushing about from one activity to the next. Yet as we get older, many of us abandon the hobbies and interests we used to love in favour of a growing list of chores and obligations. To add some fun back in to your routine, try starting up an activity again that you used to enjoy or be good at. If you find that your passion is no longer there then move on to something else – with so many hobbies out there to try, you’re sure to find something that you enjoy.

Straighten out your finances

If you want to start afresh with a clean slate and a clear mind, one of the best things you can do is to get your finances in order. While it may be scary to assess your financial situation, going on in ignorance will only cause your worries to eat away at you and may even lead to a worse situation further down the road. Bite the bullet and, if necessary, set yourself a budget for the next few months or so. Make a plan to cut down on anything that you don’t need to be splurging on, such as your morning cup of coffee or that fancy store-bought lunch.

Declutter your mind

Many of us harbour negative emotions over time such as anger, jealousy and hatred; however these emotions are not only worthless, they can also be detrimental to your health and happiness. Try to realise that these feelings aren’t adding anything to your life and let go of any negative emotions or grudges you have been holding. Also, find a method to deal with any anxiety and stress, such as through yoga, meditation or counselling.  Remember that worrying won’t change the future; it will only ruin the present.

Clear your schedule

How are you spending your time? Is it on things worth spending it on? The truth is that many of us go through our lives wasting precious hours on things that don’t matter and then complaining that we can’t fit in things that do. Rather than letting your time slip away unnoticed, mentally go through your week and work out how you spend your time, writing down everything you do and how long you spend on it. Once you have your week written out in front of you, you can identify how to maximise your hours, what to cut back on and how to make room for more valuable activities.

Spruce up your diet

Whether due to lack of inspiration or habit, we often end up eating the same meals over and over with little variation in our diets. However, repeatedly sticking to the same foods may mean that you are missing out on certain nutrients and it will also lessen your enjoyment of meals. To liven up your mealtimes and boost your inspiration for cooking, try experimenting with different foods you have never tasted and interesting new recipes. If you are a snackaholic this may be the perfect time to start sampling some healthy replacements for those biscuits and crisps!

Get rid of clutter

While you’re dusting off the other areas of your life it’s a great time to have a traditional spring clean and clear out any household clutter. Throw away or give to charity anything you don’t use anymore (including clothes you’ve been waiting for years for the “right occasion” to wear!), clear your kitchen cupboards of junk food and re-arrange the furniture to freshen up your home. Not only will this give you space for more useful things, but decluttering your home can also boost your mental health.

Keeping Your Pearly Whites In Top Shape

One of the most unattractive things is discolored teeth, and it is also the most difficult to hide. No matter how beautiful your face is, yellow teeth can turn off people in an instant.

As we get older, the outer layer of our tooth enamel starts to wear off, exposing the inner layer which is a more yellow tone compared to the top layer’s white color. Once the top layer wears off, the only thing 

one can really do is get it professionally whitened so dental experts really suggest that you don’t do things that will remove that layer in the first place.

Smoking is one of the biggest culprits of teeth discoloration as the nicotine stains the teeth and is very difficult to remove. If you are a long time smoker, you may notice that the back of your bottom front teeth have brown stains on them. Another culprit can be found in your mug-coffee! Tea, dark colored soda and wine are also contributors to tooth discoloration and staining. Once it is already there though, what can we do to remove it and bring back our sparkling smiles?

Professional whitening. You can ask your dentist about tooth whitening although be warned that it is a bit pricey. If you can afford the multiple sessions than why not. It is probably the most effective and also safest way to get your pearly whites back in shape. Another thing to remember is when going through professional tooth whitening, you will only be allowed to eat white foods or food with no color. So even pasta with tomato-based sauce will be a no-no for a while.

Whitening toothpaste. These don’t contain bleach, but have a certain percentage of mild polishing agents and abrasives which help remove stains found on your teeth’s surface. It won’t change your teeth from gray-ish or yellow to white but will help take out the hard to remove stains.  With prolonged use, you will see a difference.

Brush ASAP. Brush your teeth immediately after eating food and drinks that can stain your teeth. Aside from coffee, tea and soda-fruit juices, berries and beets can also stain teeth so remember to drink lots of water and brush right after.

Quit smoking. This seems obvious for more reasons than just keeping your teeth from turning yellow but it’s easier said than done, especially for long-time smokers. If your health and the physical appearance of your teeth are starting to suffer though, maybe it’s time to rethink that next cigarette.

Invest in an electric toothbrush. many dentists will agree that electric toothbrushes work better than manual ones as they are designed to clean more than just your teeth’s surface area. 

Brush well and regularly. While this seems like a no-brainer, pause and think about those nights out when you are too tired to do anything than fall into bed and sleep. Brushing for at least 2 minutes every time is recommended to remove all the germs and dirt from your teeth. Twice a day is the minimum requirement but after every meal is preferable. Flossing once a day (at bedtime) is also suggested.

Top 5 Tips To Clear Your Head

Sometimes you can have days or even weeks when you have so much on your mind that you're never quite able to get focused. It's at times like these that you'll need to do some serious decluttering!

Decluttering your mind is about clearing your head so you can focus more on the important things. Aside from making a list and trying to get organized, here are tips to help you clear your mind of any 'excess baggage', so that you will be able to focus more on the things that are of the greatest importance.

1. Let go of negativity

It's you and you alone who is in charge of what goes through your mind—but somehow many of us allow ourselves to become bogged down with negative thoughts. If you go around thinking negatively all the time, then you're never going to be in a particularly good mood—so it's best to let go of negative thoughts whenever possible, as it will relieve your mind of excessive stress. After all, if something has made you mad, what good is there in stewing over it all day?

2. Learn to say 'no'

Some people just can't say no, and always say 'yes' when they have been asked to do favours for others or have been offered an invitation. If you've already got enough on your plate then don't be tempted to add to it. So, if a work colleague asks you to do something, always think about whether or not it's practical for you to take the task on board. And there will surely be one or two things that you can say 'no' to in other areas as well. Sometimes if you just keep saying yes to something, it becomes a habit, and you very often get stuck with doing it — so train yourself to say 'no' when you need to.

3. Avoid interruptions

If your head is swimming with things to be done and you're getting interrupted frequently, you'll probably be getting nowhere and feel like your mind is in overload. Interruptions can cause your productivity to plummet, so try to avoid them whenever possible. For example, if you've got something particularly important to do for work, then consider working from home if you're allowed to do so, as you'll be able to avoid the majority of interruptions that may usually occur in your workplace. Simple things such as closing your office door—a sign to people that you don't want to be disturbed—will also help you to avoid interruptions.

4. Just do it!

One of the worst things for cluttering up your mind is putting off tasks that you have to do. They just sit there in your head and niggle away so you can never quite concentrate on another task that you are doing at the time. So, our advice is to just do whatever it is you need to do as soon as possible—so you can get it out of your mind and focus on the next task. If you don't do this, you'll often put more energy into thinking about doing something than actually doing it! And remember: it's amazing how quickly you can do something once you finally commit yourself to doing it.

5. Take a break

Some people just seem unable to give themselves a break — and by doing so they become more and more bogged down, so that eventually they can't think straight and end up making mistakes. Taking a few minutes away from your current task or activity will help you to clear your thoughts and then come back more refreshed and with a greater clarity of thinking. A short break between tasks will make you far more productive than if you just attempt to wade through one consecutive task after another.

Taking control of your mind

If you follow some of these tips then you'll soon find yourself back in control of your own mind, and your head will no longer be full of extraneous clutter and excessive information. By writing things down as they come up, and by taking action as soon as you can, you can successfully declutter your mind — and you'll then have more opportunities to think more productive thoughts!

Not All "Detox" Are Good For You

Did you know that, according to a study done by the journal Obesity, one in 20 women would rather lose a limb than be obese? In this body-conscious world where airbrushed models are considered the norm, this is no surprise. But while it may be tempting to engage in one of the many extreme detox diets, you should keep in mind that while it may seem that you’re losing weight, you’re actually doing more harm to your body than good.

Extreme detox or cleansing diets promise significant and dramatic weight loss within a short period of time. You’re asked to eliminate certain food groups in a detox diet, and stick to a strict food regimen that, most often, contain less than your recommended daily calorie intake. Such a diet will, naturally, cause you to lose weight, since weight loss happens when you eat fewer calories than what you have to burn. But most of the weight lost will most likely be gained back after your supposed “cleanse”. 

Not only that, but when you drastically eliminate certain food groups from your diet, you’ll be depriving your body of much-needed proteins, fat, calcium, and carbohydrates. Studies have also shown that when you scrimp on calories, you stop producing a hormone called IGF1, which reduces thyroid and other hormones in your body, including insulin. 

Implications on Hair and Skin

It’s a known fact that whatever you feed your body will affect your skin, hair, and even mood (which explains why a certain Dream Girls singer-actress claimed that the Master Cleanse made her successfully drop the pounds but in turn made her “evil”). So imagine if you suddenly switch to a drastic diet that consisted of only drinking liquids or of munching on grapefruit alone. You’ll be depriving your skin and hair of nutrients it needs to be in tip-top shape! 

For example, going on a low-protein diet could leave you with dry, dull, and damaged hair. That’s because hair is made up of 97% protein! Depriving yourself of certain fruits and veggies (just because it’s not “in the handbook” of a certain detox ritual) could rob your body of antioxidants, which helps fight free radicals in the skin—the very same baddies that can cause premature aging.

“Detox” the “Right” Way

So should you just suffer lugging around those pesky five pounds that you just can’t seem to lose? Not really. You can still do a “detox diet”, but the key is to do it the right way by eating the right kinds of foods. 

Our bodies are already equipped with organs that flush out toxins for us, whether we down “diet juices” or not. (They’re called our kidneys and liver.) The reason why people crave cleanses is because they feel they’ve been ingesting too many toxins and need to have them flushed out. So how about preventing having to do flushes by living and maintaining a healthy lifestyle in the first place?

It’s a fact that people eat too much food anyway—food that’s loaded with unnecessary sugar and saturated fats. Not to mention those who guzzle alcohol and smoke cigarettes on a daily basis. Cutting out such bad habits is a “cleanse” on its own, since you’ll be eliminating the cause of “toxins” in the body. 

So what kinds of food should you be chowing down on? A healthy gauge is to follow the food pyramid, with its proper portioning of sugar, meat, veggies, and carbs. To keep your skin glowing and supple, stock-up on foods high in antioxidants, such as pecans, blueberries, and red beans. To avoid getting lifeless hair, ditch the greasy chicken wings for some baked salmon—its high levels of Omega-3 acids are great for strengthening and maintaining lustrous hair. 

In short, a healthy diet is one that you stick with, not one that you just undergo for a few days, a week, or a month. That’s because a “diet” shouldn’t only be seen as a one-time “event”, but instead, as a lifestyle. Many people dread the word “diet” because to them, it involves depriving yourself of certain foods. You don’t have to eliminate chocolate or sweets from your life. You just have to learn to eat them in moderation.

Of course, some people might have special dietary needs—so if you’re really serious about “detoxifying” your lifestyle, don’t buy a book about the latest trendy detox diet in the bookstore. Instead, head to a nutritionist’s office for a consult.

Source: Yahoo! Southeast Asia

10 Foods All Women Should Eat

A varied, balanced diet is the cornerstone of healthy living for everyone, yet healthy eating can sometimes mean different things depending on your gender. While there are some foods we should all be eating more of, men and women also have their own set of dietary requirements as well as their own unique health concerns. Here are ten foods all women should eat.

Butternut squash

Butternut squash — like many other yellow/orange fruit and vegetables — is packed with carotenoids such as alpha-carotene and beta-carotene. While carotenes should be included in everybody's diet for optimum health, they may prove essential to women's health as a high-carotenoid diet has been linked to lowered risks of both breast and ovarian cancer.

Tomatoes

Another vibrant carotenoid beneficial for women's health is lycopene, a pigment found in tomatoes. Studies have suggested that lycopene may be effective in preventing breast cancer. Furthermore, there has been considerable evidence to suggest that the powerful antioxidant can help reduce risk of heart disease — the leading cause of death in women in the US, Australia, England and Wales.

Flax Seeds

Flax seeds are a good source of Omega-3 fatty acids and have been linked to reduced risk of breast cancer and heart disease. The seeds' anti-inflammatory properties are also good for preventing arthritis, while their digestive benefits can help irritable bowel syndrome; two painful conditions which are more prevalent in women than men.

Salmon

Salmon has a multitude of positive health benefits for women. Not only is it rich in iron — which is integral to the diets of premenopausal women — but it is packed with omega-3 fatty acids, known for their mood-enhancing effects. Studies have suggested that omega-3 can help beat depression (something that affects twice as many women as men) and prevent mood swings, while salmon can also boost babies' intelligence when eaten during pregnancy.

Cranberries

Various studies have suggested strong links between consuming cranberries and reduced risks of breast cancer and heart disease. However, the most notorious benefit of cranberries is their ability to prevent and cure urinary tract infections such as cystitis, which is eight times more likely to occur in women than men. One study suggests that drinking two glasses of cranberry juice a day can prevent the symptoms of common UTIs in women.

Spinach

Spinach is rich in many different vitamins and minerals, but one thing that makes it great for women is its high content of magnesium. Research has shown that magnesium may be beneficial in reducing many of the physical symptoms of PMS which plague women, including reduction of swelling, breast tenderness, bloating and weight gain.

Figs

Figs are a great health food, containing many vital minerals and vitamins as well as contributing to your daily portions of fruit and veg. Two minerals found in figs that are particularly beneficial to women's health are iron, which is often deficient in menstruating women, and calcium, which is important for post-menopausal women, who are more prone to osteoporosis.

Milk

Milk is a great source of calcium, which is extremely beneficial to women's health, particularly when combined with vitamin D (found in some varieties of milk and many fortified milk products). Consumption of the combined nutrients is not only good for warding off osteoporosis, but a study has suggested that a diet rich in calcium and vitamin D could ease, or even prevent, symptoms of PMS.

Oats

Oats are literally packed with health-boosting nutrients, many of which have great impacts on female health. Oats are not only great for heart health, digestion and blood pressure levels (with hypertension affecting many women over 50), but they contain vitamin B6, which can help prevent PMS and mood swings, and folic acid, which is important for women to consume before and during pregnancy to prevent birth defects in babies.

Walnuts

While all nuts are great for our health, walnuts have many great individual benefits for women. A study has recently found that walnuts, which are packed with omega-3 fatty acids, antioxidants and phytosterols, may help to reduce women's risk of developing breast cancer, while their high omega-3 content may also help bone health, arthritis pain and depression. Walnuts also contain many nutrients essential for female health, such as calcium, magnesium and folic acid.

7 Quick Tricks for a Beautiful Body

If you’ve got a big event ahead and want to look red-carpet worthy, luckily there are many secrets to help you achieve a beautiful bod. From bloat-inducing foods to avoid, to fast and cheap beauty routines you can do at home, check out these simple ways to look perfectly polished and camera-ready from head to toe.

Have a last-minute workout

While regular exercise is the best route to a great body, some last-minute toning before a big event can help your body look better. To emphasise any muscles on show and/or stomach muscles, give them a workout with some last-minute targeted exercises, such as sit-ups, lunges and bicep curls. The rush of blood to your muscles will temporarily tighten them up to leave them looking more defined. Not only that, the endorphins released by exercise will help you feel more self-confident.

Avoid gas and bloat-inducing foods

Although the best route to a flat stomach is an ongoing regime of healthy eating and exercise, you can cheat your way to a svelter frame prior to a special event with some careful eating. To prevent bloating, on the day of your big event limit your intake of high-fibre foods, such as certain fruit and veg, beans and grains, which are renowned for causing intestinal gas. Also avoid salt, carbonated drinks and chewing gum, all of which can cause bloating.

Stock up on tummy-flattening foods

As well as avoiding certain foods, there are several foods you can add into your diet to keep your tummy looking flat. To counteract bloating caused by salt overload in your diet, up your intake of potassium-rich foods such as bananas and dried fruit. Alternatively, get rid of excess gas by supplementing your meals with digestive enzymes (such as papain and bromelain) and taking charcoal capsules, which can help to soak up the gas and toxins that lead to bloating.

Don some strategic underwear

While it may be “cheating”, we’re betting there isn’t a celeb out there who hasn’t employed a bit of help in the underwear department to create the perfect silhouette. If you’re looking to smooth out lumps or bumps, treat yourself to some slimming underwear to pull in any wobbly bits. Alternately, try a push up bra to help create a great cleavage or some padded knickers for a more voluptuous derriere. To further flatter your figure, try dressing in black or, at the least, solid block colours.

Become a bronzed beauty

Not only will a wash of colour make you look slimmer, but fake tan can also help disguise cellulite and blemishes and give you that A-list glow. Furthermore, with a bit of strategic bronzing you can easily create the illusion of a better body. To create the appearance of slimmer legs, apply a bit of bronzer down the sides of your legs and some shimmer lotion down your shins. For a better cleavage, dust some bronzer between your breasts and blend to create the illusion of shadow.

Get a celebrity smile

If your pearly whites are looking a little off-colour, you can still pull off a dazzling smile with a couple of sneaky tricks. Firstly, to make your teeth look whiter, try using a cool-toned red or pink lipstick with blue undertones, and steer clear of yellow or orange toned lipsticks which will emphasise yellow teeth. Secondly, dust a bit of bronzer on your face, which will not only give you a healthy glow but will also make your teeth stand out and give them a brighter whiter appearance.

Create a flawless complexion

Spots have an annoying habit of popping up when they are least wanted, but the good news is there are many things you can do to create the illusion of perfect skin. If you have an inflamed, hard-to -cover spot, try applying an ice cube to the area for a couple of minutes before applying makeup, which will reduce the inflammation. To conceal and counteract redness, apply some green concealer or a bit of white eyeliner to the spot, under your usual makeup.

10 Cheap Shortcuts to Good Health

Stay Fit at Home

If expensive gym memberships are out of your price range, luckily there are many other ways to get fit for free. Try incorporating exercise into your regular routine through everyday activities such as gardening and housework, and take up a free activity such as walking, running or cycling to stay in shape. For those who fancy taking up an exercise such as yoga or Pilates, it may be helpful to take a few classes to master the basics then you can continue to practice the poses at home for free.

Create a Healthy Recipe Archive

Want to get started in healthy cooking but can’t afford to invest in a good cook book? Thanks to the wonders of the internet you don’t need to shell out any money to build up a collection of recipes. With many websites catering to healthy eating recipes on a budget, you are guaranteed to find something to suit your tastes and price range without having to spend a penny.

Practice Deep Breathing

It’s free, it’s unavoidable and we do it every day, but did you know that the simple act of breathing could help to boost your health? Research has suggested that yogic deep-breathing techniques can help people more effectively handle depression, anxiety and stress as well as stimulating the lymphatic system to more effectively deal with toxins. Try learning and practicing deep breathing techniques on a regular basis to improve your physical and mental health for free.

Spend Time with Friends

Spending time with your friends is great for your health, with research suggesting that having a strong social network can help you live longer and reduce feelings of depression and stress. If you think that you can’t afford a social life, there are many ways you can spend time with friends on the cheap. Rather than eating out a restaurant, try taking turns to cook each other a cheap and healthy meal. Alternatively, plan a movie night instead of a trip to the cinema, and stock up on comedy films to boost your endorphins.

Drink Lots of Water

One of the cheapest and simplest ways to improve your health is by upping your intake of fluids. While there is no definitive guideline for how much you should drink a day, it is important not to wait until you are thirsty to drink as by this time you are already dehydrated. Some of the benefits of drinking more water include increased energy levels, improved digestion, less water retention and a better complexion. Replacing sugary drinks with water will also benefit your waistline and wallet.

Opt for Home-Grown Produce

Getting your recommended daily portions of fruit and veg can sometimes work out expensive, so why not take the cheaper and healthier option and grow your own fresh produce? If you haven’t got green fingers, try to at least buy seasonal produce where possible to cut down the costs, or visit your local farmers’ market to stock up on fresh, cheap and healthy fruit and vegetables and support your local farmers too.

Have a Bath

If you fancy a little pampering on the cheap, you can’t do much better than a nice, relaxing bath. While many of us think of bathing as a purely functional activity, soaking in the tub actually has many benefits outside of getting you clean. Taking time out to soak in a hot bath has many psychological benefits for a start, helping to induce relaxation and calm the mind. However, it can also help stimulate circulation and relax sore or tired muscles.

Get More Sleep

If you regularly get less than eight hours sleep a night, getting more shut-eye could be one of the best (and cheapest) steps to improving your health. Not only can sufficient sleep help you live longer, boost memory and improve heart health, but lack of sleep has been proven to increase appetite, leading to weight gain, increased junk food consumption and more expensive shopping bills.

Cut Back on Your Vices

Whether you like to indulge in a few too many glasses of wine, are addicted to takeaways, or have a smoking habit, ditching these unhealthy and expensive habits could drastically improve both your health and finances. Cigarettes and alcohol are notoriously expensive, as well as being leading causes of stroke, cancer and premature ageing, so try cutting down as much as you can or, better still, cutting out these vices entirely.

Practice Portion Control

With restaurant portions getting increasingly bigger, many of us have grown used to eating larger portions than we actually need. This not only puts us at risk of obesity and health problems but it can also add significantly to our shopping bills. Rather than eating until you’re fit to burst, try to stop eating at the very first signs of fullness and freeze any leftovers for another day. If you’re worried that smaller portions won’t keep you going all day, try loading up on low-GI foods such as oats, beans and yoghurt which will help you feel fuller for longer.


Source: Yahoo! UK & Ireland Lifestyle

Tasty Heart-Healthy Diet Makeovers

Protein

Even though that blueberry muffin may be easy to get and delicious, it doesn’t have everything that your body needs to start the day off right. Muffins are generally loaded with sugar and refined flour. These ingredients will give you energy temporarily by spiking your blood sugar, but this will lead to a crash. Then you'll try to regain the fix by loading up on still more sugar-filled snacks. Avoid this unhealthy pattern by starting your day off with a lean protein for energy. A great example is an omelette made with egg whites and veggies.

Make Your Own Smoothie

Smoothies that you purchase at your local coffee shop or smoothie place tend to be loaded with sugar and high fructose corn syrup. Instead, why not create delicious and healthier versions at home? This is easier than you may think. A particular favorite includes bananas, vanilla yogurt, and canned pumpkin. Then throw in some mango juice or soy milk, toss a couple of ice cubes into the blender, and you’re all set. If you want to sweeten it up a little, add in a dash of honey. Sprinkle some cinnamon and nutmeg on top, and you have a tasty, heart-healthy smoothie. Best of all, it cost a lot less than store-bought varieties.

Get Fresh

Dried fruits are okay if EATEN in moderation. Registered dietician and heart-healthy cooking teacher Jill Nussinow says “Fresh fruit is better than dried because dried fruit is dense in calories. Drying decreases volume a lot. Each dried apricot half is truly half an apricot, and sometimes you only get 10% to 25% of what you started with. This means that it’s much easier to eat more of the dried fruits, and it’s a concentrated source of calories.”

DIY Trail Mix

Granola bars are a really bad choice because the substance used to bind all of the ingredients together is some form of sugar or high fructose corn syrup. Instead, create your own trail mix. Take a handful of walnuts (fantastic for the heart healthy omega-3 fatty acids), add another handful of whole grain toasted oat cereal, and then half a handful of dried berries (preferably cranberries.) Toss all the ingredients into a baggie, shake them up, and head out the door. Wasn't that quick and easy?

Ease up on the Mayo and Other Non-Essentials

Tuna is great for you, but not when it’s prepared with lots of mayo, a hunk of cheese, and served with heavy white bread that's packed with suga). Your calorie and cholesterol count increases exponentially if this is the way you eat your tuna. As a healthy alternative, skip the mayo and replace it with spicy mustard. You could ass some grated carrots for Vitamin A. Replace the cheese with a slice of tomato. Serve it all on whole grain bread for extra fiber, and you’re set with a meal that is chock full of nutritional value for your heart and body.

Simplify the Salad

Caesar salads have an extremely high count in both calories and grams of fat. Many of the recipes include a cup of mayonnaise! Instead, try to use small splashes of olive oil and champagne vinegar over the greens. You will get all the flavor at a fraction of the calories. Rather than drizzling the dressing over your salad, make the dressing first, and then dip the greens into it. You will use less dressing by doing this.

Lay off the Beef

Registered dietician and heart healthy-cooking teacher Jill Nussinow says “People think that eating beef will make them big and strong. And they are right about the big part. Lean beef may be better for you than fatty beef, but neither is very good for you, especially in the amounts that are consumed by people in the U.S. “ She goes on to say that instead of beef, beans are a great alternative. They are generally low in fat, have no cholesterol, and contain fiber, which is known for lowering cholesterol.

Eat Apples

Applesauce may seem healthy , and yes it is better than no fruit at all. But real apples are much better for you. According to Nussinow, it’s best to eat food the way it comes from nature. “If the skin is removed from apples while they are processed, you’re getting less fiber with your applesauce.” Also, in general, processing foods increases their glycemic index and that can increase blood sugar faster. She goes on to say that applesauce is full of sweeteners and thickening ingredients.

Greek Style Yogurts are the Way To Go

Traditional Greek style yogurts are thick and creamy and as satisfying as ice cream sundae that can be devastating for your heart health. The Fage brand offers different flavors of yogurt with no added sweeteners and a big dose of active cultures -- the good kind of bacteria. The yogurt is made from all-natural ingredients and is a good source of protein too. All the varieties make a great snacks, and the plain version can be used in recipes instead of sour cream.

Source: ThirdAge

5 Bodyweight Exercise Rules

Have you ever stopped to wonder why it's so freakin' hard to do a simple pullup? Well, here's the answer: physics. When you do a pullup, your body is in a position that forces your back and arms to lift your entire body weight, so the scientific laws of motion and leverage are working against you. In other words, says Alwyn Cosgrove, your body becomes an über-efficient resistance exercise machine. 

All bodyweight exercises can be just as challenging (and effective) as a pullup if you apply the body-trimming physics of these principles.

To get leaner, be longer

The science As you increase the distance between the point of force (your target muscles) and the end of the object you're trying to lift (your body), you decrease your mechanical advantage. Translation: The longer your body, the weaker you become and the more your muscles have to work. This is the major difference between "girly" pushups and regular ones. When you get off your knees and rest on your toes, your core muscles have to work a whole lot harder to support more of your body weight. 

Apply it Raise your hands above your head so your arms are straight and in line with your body during lunges, squats, crunches, or situps. Too hard? Split the distance by putting your hands behind your head.

Take the spring out of your step

The science When you lower your body during any exercise, your muscles build up what's known as elastic energy. It works like a coiled spring: The elasticity allows you to bounce back to the starting position and reduces the amount of work your muscles have to do. 

Apply it Take a four-second pause at the bottom position of any exercise. That's how long it takes to discharge all the elastic energy of a muscle. Without the bounce, you'll force your body to recruit more muscle fibers to get you moving again. 

Go the distance

The science Physics defines work as force (here, that's how much you weigh) times distance. Since in a weight-free workout you can't increase force beyond your own body weight, the only way to work more is to move farther during each rep. 

Apply it For body-weight exercises such as lunges, pushups, and situps, your range of motion ends at the floor. The solution: Move the floor farther away. Try placing your front or back foot on a step when doing lunges, or position your hands or feet on a step when doing pushups. 

Add a twist

The science Human movement happens on three geometric planes: the sagittal plane (front-back and up-down), the frontal plane (side-to-side), and the transverse plane (rotation). Many common bodyweight exercises--like squats and side lunges--are performed on the first two planes. But we rarely train our bodies on the transverse plane, despite using it in all the time in our everyday lives: walking, for example. 

Apply it Simply rotate your torso to the right or left in exercises such as the lunge, situp, and pushup and you'll fully engage your core in addition to the muscles those moves are intended to target.

Get off the floor

The science The less of an object's surface area (in this case, your body) that touches a solid base (the floor), the less stable that object is. Fortunately, we have a built-in stabilization system: our muscles. So knocking yourself a little off kilter makes you exercise harder and enlists more muscles.

Apply it Hold one foot in the air during pushups, squats, and planks.

Source: Women's Health

Health Clichés That Are Actually True

Have you ever said you had 'butterflies in your stomach' before a big work presentation or proclaimed a case of 'baby fever' to your husband after walking past a sweet, sleeping newborn in her stroller? Recent research shows that these are more than just cute phrases, but actual physiological phenomena with physical symptoms and scientific explanations. Here’s what’s really happening to your body.

Baby Fever

Baby on the brain is a real emotional phenomenon that strikes women and men alike, according to a recent study in the journal Emotion. It’s described as an almost irresistible urge to have children and often connected to a ticking biological clock.

The husband and wife research team of Gary Brase, PhD, associate professor of psychology at Kansas State University, and Sandra Brase, a project coordinator with the university's College of Education, have spent about 10 years researching baby fever. They discovered three factors that predict whether a person goes 'gaga for goo goo': positive exposure (holding and cuddling babies), lack of negative exposure (crying and spit-up), and how people weigh the trade-offs that come with kids (money and social life).

The Brases learned the intensity of baby fever 'varies from person to person and within the same person over time', according to Time.com. They’ve also observed that after having children, women tend to have less baby fever, while men tend to have more.

Cabin Fever

The next time your kids are driving you bananas while cooped up on a rainy day, consider this: cabin fever is actually an idiomatic term for a claustrophobic reaction, which can include restlessness, irritability, frustration, and fatigue, according to research from Paul Rosenblatt, PhD, a morse-alumni distinguished teaching professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis.

Some experts liken cabin fever to winter blues or seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a form of mild depression that can develop due to the shorter days and longer dark nights of fall and winter, but cabin fever is more likely triggered by physical surroundings than an absence of light.

Broken Heart

Broken heart syndrome (BHS) — also known as stress cardiomyopathy — is not only real, it’s also potentially deadly. BHS mimics symptoms of an acute heart attack, including chest pain, shortness of breath, a sense of impending doom, and heart failure. According to a study in The New England Journal of Medicine, overwhelming emotional stress can cause the body to release large amounts of stress hormones (such as adrenaline and norepinephrine) into the bloodstream, which can damage the heart muscle.

BHS is most common among postmenopausal women who experience the death of a partner or loved one, yet a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that the disorder also occurs in younger women and men. Physical stressors including surgery, respiratory conditions like COPD and asthma, and medications like chemotherapy have also been known to trigger BHS.

Lovesick

Can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t think, can’t breathe — you must be head over heels! Falling in love really does affect your health, triggering the body to release feel-good chemicals (such as phenethylamine, dopamine, norepinephrine, and oxytocin) that cause a cascade of physical reactions including flushed cheeks, sweaty palms, light headedness, dry mouth, and a racing heart.

Cupid’s arrow also affects the pleasure center of the brain — the same part responsible for drug addiction and obsessive compulsive disorders — which sheds some light on another common catchphrase, 'crazy in love'. Psychologist Dorothy Tennov, PhD, even coined a term for the all-consuming state of infatuation experienced by new love birds — limerence, which lasts between six months and two years. But as most committed couples know, those jittery feelings don’t last long — they diminish as a deeper, more committed love grows and you become more comfortable with your partner.

Runner's High

There’s no question that exercise elevates your mood — some doctors even tout physical activity as a natural depression fighter — but can running really get you high? Many athletes have sworn by this euphoric state typically felt at the end of a high-powered or long-distance run, and now recent science backs it up.

According to a study in the journal Celebral Cortex, German researchers found that running elicits a flood of feel-good endorphins that attach themselves to the limbic and prefrontal areas of the brain associated with emotions. These are also activated 'when you hear music that gives you a chill of euphoria, like Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 3', Professor Henning Boecker, MD, a researcher at the University of Bonn in Germany told the New York Times. 'The greater the euphoria the runners reported, the more endorphins in their brain.'

Beauty Sleep

Forget spending your hard-earned money on miracle wrinkle creams and dark-circle treatment. To look your best, rest. Research published in the British medical journal BMJ found that sleep really does affect your appearance. While numerous studies have examined the link between proper rest and health — including how not getting enough sleep increases the risk of cardiovascular disease, diabetes, obesity, and depression — this study was among the first to tackle the science behind beauty sleep. Researchers found that sleep deprivation not only caused people to appear tired, but also less healthy and less attractive.

Increased cortisol levels from a lack of sleep can slow collagen production, promoting wrinkles, according to Prevention.com. Studies have found that cell turnover is faster at night, which can improve your skin’s appearance.

Scared to Death

When your partner sneaks up on you in the shower, it’s natural to shout 'you scared me to death!' But the phrase is more than just an expression that describes a state of being startled, according to Martin A. Samuels, MD, a neurologist at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston.

Through his research, Dr. Samuels has found that very intense fear — think a natural disaster like an earthquake or a terrorist attack — can cause sudden death, brought on by a jolt of adrenaline that overwhelms the heart. 'Any human is potentially at risk. We all carry this little bomb inside us,' Samuels told ABC News. 'If the situation is just right, if the stress is bad enough, if it's acute enough, if there's no way out, any of us can die.'

Butterflies in Your Stomach

Obviously, nerves don’t cause butterflies to literally flutter around in your digestive tract, but stress and anxiety can take a real physical toll on your gut. Often referred to as the 'second brain', researchers have found that some 100mn neurons (more than the spinal cord or peripheral nervous system) line the length of the gut. And it’s these neurotransmitters that are ignited by stress and enable us to feel those 'butterflies'.

'There is definitely a connection between the brain and the gut,' Francisco J. Marrero, MD, a gastroenterologist with the Digestive Disease Institute at the Cleveland Clinic, told Everyday Health. 'The gut is the largest area of nerves outside the brain.'


Source: Everyday Health

How to Build Self-Esteem

Interestingly, the word ‘esteem’ derives from a Latin word meaning ‘to estimate.’ So, self-esteem is how you estimate, or regard yourself, so it’s very important! Many women with low self-esteem find it hard to answer ‘yes’ to questions posed such as ‘do I like myself?’ Am I someone deserving of love?’ and ‘deep down, do I feel that I’m an OK person?’ And women berate themselves when they’ve made a mistake or an error of judgement, which is somewhat futile. Read on to discover how to build up your self-esteem.

Having good self-esteem is an attractive quality; it’s built by knowing what behaviour (of you and of others) is acceptable, being clear about what we deserve, and building a personal boundary to tell other people what’s acceptable for you. However, vicious circles can begin when you’ve reached a stage of awareness about your anxiety and worry; when situations start to interfere with your ability to actually deal with it.

Some people withdraw from their triggers/causes, or, re-fuel their cycle where anxiety impacts the situation badly; falling in to another cycle of situations going as badly as expected or predicted, then all (your) assumptions and expectations of worst-case scenarios are made ever stronger. This often leads to further anxiety and depression-and the vicious cycle is repeated when that person comes across another trigger or assumption about a situation or themselves.

Take action: Sit down with a notebook and pen, take your time, list your trigger situations - be as clear as you can. The key with this is to establish some new assumptions about yourself and your thought patterns. Don’t pressure yourself to make it ‘perfect’ or even start to look at challenging some of your assumptions, rather, ask yourself to rate out of 10 how strongly you feel about the points below:

1 Is your trigger a place, person, particular task, or even all three? Are there any situations where you mange to muddle through? Are there situations that you can’t think about facing?

2 Now ask yourself the following; what is it exactly I’m expecting? Why does this affect me so badly? Am I more conscious of racing thoughts of a disaster, or of any physical sensations? Am I always right in thinking that I must expect the worst?

Question thoughts and worries that race through your mind, take a step back and decide if they’re accurate; establish new assumptions and ways to work on yourself to improve your expectations. Gain further insight in to your thought patterns and behaviour with our interactive self-esteem test, it’ll help pin point where you’re lacking in self-esteem, and help you do something about it.

Working girl: Many women with low self-esteem think they’re not important, and that their views carry no weight, particularly when it comes to work, careers and their bosses. So, start to see yourself as someone who has thoughts, opinions, ideas and rights, and that they’re just as valid as those of anyone else. Often, both receiving and giving criticism can be tricky for women with low self-esteem; deal with receiving criticism at work by listening to their point of view without interrupting. If parts are unclear, ask for clarification, if they’re valid, agree with points made. If you made a mistake, say so, apologise and move-on. If the criticism is wrong or unfair, simply, look them in the eye, smile, and say ‘I’m afraid that I don’t agree with you’ then explain your thoughts and opinions.

If you have to give criticism, choose your time wisely; don’t wait until boiling-point, keep calm. Try to say something nice before any critical words, for example ‘your work is usually of a good standard, but it’s not quite right today, so I’m going to have to ask you to re-do that presentation, but I’m sure you’ll do an amazing job this time.’

Tough love: Are you in a relationship with someone who treats you badly? Or, have you ever been in one? Where, deep down you knew it was ‘wrong’ but continued to accept it, hoping it would change for the better? These types of relationships erode a person’s self-esteem slowly but surely. Many women spend time waiting, hoping for action to demonstrate respect, kindness and love, and some feel deep down they deserve less than they’re hoping for. Now is the time to create a healthy personal boundary - it’s a form of protection and shows you have some self esteem and self respect, both of which are crucial for healthy relationships.

By understanding our feelings, expectations and voicing them to our partners, we’re actually taking responsibility for them. Once we take responsibility for how we feel and think, how we allow other people to treat us, the relationship changes, it takes the blame from the other person, as we’re forced to take a long, hard look at ourselves, and ask ‘why am I allowing myself to be treated like this?’

Remember, you’re not responsible for the behaviour of other people; you’re only responsible for how you respond and allow others to treat you. Begin by stating your feelings out loud, without using accusation and blame, just stating the simple fact that you’re angry is voicing a personal boundary, such as ‘I feel sad when you say that,’ and ‘I’m feeling annoyed that you didn’t call me last night’. Try and avoid judgement on situations and people too, as this puts a limit on the situation, for example you may say, ‘the guy’s an idiot!’ Turn this around by saying ‘I find that guy’s behaviour too much for mhttp://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/build-self-esteem-151300401.htmle, so I will avoid him,’ this sets you up with a healthy, respectful boundary.

Building it: Set up the boundary blocks for your life and how you want to be treated. If someone treats you in a way that’s not conductive to your (newly acquired!) values and self respect, let them know, but remember that you’re not responsible for their response. Simply state the behaviour that’s causing you problems and give some space for the other person to change, state the consequences. Don’t demand things, but state the effect their behaviour has on you, and what you’re choosing to do about it.


Source: Yahoo! UK & Ireland Lifestyle

10 Ways to Self-Improvement

It’s time we stopped thinking of self improvement as a new sweep of lipstick, hair cut or wardrobe overhaul and started remembering that improving ourselves goes more than skin deep. From being a better friend, making peace with your parents to improving your own well-being, start making improvements from within with our 10 ways to self improvement and emerge a more fulfilled, happier person.

1. Keep your dignity

It’s not easy in this binge-drinking, social networking, desperate to get ahead society to keep your dignity but try it and you’ll be respected, successful and people will love you all the more for it. Having dignity is knowing who you are and what you stand for and not swaying from those principles no matter what those around you are doing. People with dignity don’t need to brag, show off or draw attention to themselves because they are not interested in what others think, they are too busy getting on with their own lives and being happy with themselves to be concerned with following the crowd. You don’t need to be prudish and superior, have fun, just don’t lose control and make a prat of yourself.

2. Forgive your parents

There comes a time in every adult’s life when you have to stop resenting and blaming the people who raised you and simply forgive and forget. Yes, your parents may have made your childhood and even adulthood a misery and yes, they may continue to be completely oblivious to the constant annoyance, guilt and misery they cause you but, by continuing to hold onto the blame and resentment you feel towards them you will only make yourself miserable and angry and there is only one person responsible for how you feel and that’s you. 

Author of the international bestseller The Rules Of Life, Richard Templar offers some words of advice when it comes to trying to forgive your parents, ‘As offspring you do have a duty to be respectful. You have a responsibility to treat them (your parents) kindly and be more than they are by being forgiving and non-judgemental. You can rise above your upbringing.’

3. Share your time and talent

We’ve become so concerned with having full, busy lives and being popular that it’s easy to forget how to be a good friend, or even a good person. Everyone is busy, that’s what living is, and if we weren't we’d be sat on the sofa watching Friends reruns every night. Don’t hang onto your time like it’s a sacred thing, share it and share your knowledge while you’re at it. Everyone knows something about something and has at least one skill they can share with others, whether that’s DIY, sewing, speaking a language, playing an instrument or writing beautifully. It’s important to pass on what you know and not give in to that feeling of having the upper hand just because you know something no one else does. Try it, you’ll feel good about yourself, have fun and learn something new.

4. Feel the fear

We all have our comfort zones and there’s nothing wrong with that but refuse to step outside of it every once in a while and your life will become stagnant and dull. Challenging and frightening ourselves regularly not only injects us with a new found love of life and feeling of self-confidence, it also prepares us for those unexpected moments when life takes a turn for the worst. By doing something that scares us regularly, we realise that we can handle those tough situations and life won't seem as stressful as it would if you walk through it with blinkers on. In his bestselling book,Fear – The Friend Of Exceptional People, BAFTA winner and author Geoff Thompson calls tackling the fear of the unknown exposure therapy and discusses how visualising yourself succeeding and failing will help anyone tackle something that terrifies them; ‘Plan ahead: don’t enter blind.Imagine the good, the bad and the ugly. I always pictured myself the victor and used this as inspiration. I also looked at the worst-case scenario and visualised myself handling that gracefully.’

5. Be a better friend

Research shows that if you have five or more friends you are a happier person so being a better friend will not only make you a better person, it will also make you a happier one too. You might well be thinking, ‘well, I’m OK I have tons of friends’ but how good a friend are you really? Do you regularly cancel plans with your friends? Or leave the planning to someone else? Or do you ever bitch about or criticise your friends behind their back? Being a good friend does mean being honest with your friends but it doesn’t involve saying something mean. Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project devoted an entire month to improving her friendships and describes how doing good deeds for others is more important than others doing good deeds for you. ‘I get more satisfaction out of thinking about good deeds I’ve done for other people than I do from thinking about good deeds that other people have done for me. It’s a secret of Adulthood: Do good, feel good.’

6. Join a library

If you haven’t been in the library since you were at school you’re in for a big surprise. The days of rows upon rows of worn, dated books are long gone. These days libraries not only have WI-FI, computers, cafes and bestsellers, they have language CDs, music CDs, the latest DVDs and even e-books for your e-reader. As well as saving you money, you’ll also discover books you never would have come across if you were just browsing online and you’ll be helping the environment by re-using books too. Most libraries now host book clubs, writing workshops and poetry clubs too so they’re a great way to meet other people and learn new skills.

7. Pursue a passion

All of us have at least one dream that makes us gaze into the distance and think, ‘yes, one day, that’s what I’d like to do’. Well, what’s stopping you? OK, adult responsibilities and money probably, but tweak your dream to make it more realistic and you could still pursue your passion. After all, it was C. S. Lewis who said ‘You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream’. Always fancied yourself as a master chef or restaurant owner? Start a dinner club and compete against your friends and colleagues at dinner parties. Want to write a book? Start or join a writing club. Want to learn how to play an instrument? Rent one and ask a family member to pay for a couple of lessons for you for a birthday present (or see rule 3. Pursuing your passion will not only make you happier but it will help put other things in perspective; your crappy job won’t seem so crappy, your boyfriend actually isn’t that annoying, it’s just that your unhappiness is making you grumpy and you’ll find that you’re actually more brave that you thought you were for taking that leap and trying something new.

8. Switch off the TV

How much time do you spend a week watching television? When you add up all of those hours sat on the sofa, you may be shocked. TV has gone from being a form of entertainment and way to relax to a mere distraction from reality. Switching on the TV every evening and weekend allows us to switch off from our own lives and the problems that exist within it such as a stressful or mundane career, loneliness and low self-esteem. As well as giving us an excuse to ignore unresolved issues, TV stops us from communicating effectively. We used to sit down and have real conversations instead of watching television but these days, it’s rare that you will sit and speak to someone without checking or glancing at your phone, the internet, or TV. Try setting yourself a time limit for your weekly TV viewing and see what you can achieve in the time you would have wasted. That might be calling a friend or family member, going for a walk or reading a book. You’ll soon realise just how much you’ve been missing out on.

9. Go swimming

Swimming has numerous health benefits and if you haven’t yet found a form of exercise that you enjoy then you should take a deep breath, buy a costume that you feel good in and take the plunge. As well as being a great non-impact form of exercise, swimming is a great stress reliever. The contact with the water coupled with the regular rhythm and concentration of the stroke acts like a form of meditation helping to ease away the stress and worries that have built up throughout the day. You can also burn between 200 and 300 calories from just 30 minutes of swimming and it helps to tone your entire body rather than just one muscle group making it a great all-round sport.

10. Become an early bird

Going to bed earlier and getting up before the rest of the world can be incredibly liberating and is a great way to start the day. The next time Saturday comes around, get up at your normal weekday time and go straight out for a walk, even if it’s only a leisurely stroll to get the milk and papers. You’ll feel as if you’ve accomplished something instead of just sleeping in and waking up groggy and set the tone for the rest of the weekend. If you’re one of those people who often feels guilty when you’re doing nothing, getting up early will also make you feel as if you deserve to relax with a coffee and a chat to a loved one later in the morning. 




Source: Yahoo! UK & Ireland Lifestyle